Last Minute V-Day Shopping

For you people who didn't do any Valentines Day planning: here's a quick how to guide to get you through the day. Enjoy:


So it's Valentines Day...and you've forgotten all about it. In other words you've made no reservations and you haven't even bought so much as a happy birthday card (because by now all the Valenyines Day cards are sold out). Do not fear, Ngwanamosadi has got your back. Follow this easy guide on how to fake Valentines Day and you should be fine.

If you're single, this does not apply to you, so rather than wallow in your misery, take a moment to chuckle at the people reading this ACTUALLY hoping to get some advice. Should it be the case that you do have a significant other (makwapenis, booty calls and side chicks included), you need to pay attention.

1. Come down with a serious, life threatening illness or get drafted into the military to be sent off on tour at 16:50 (only applies to Americans).
2. If your woman has some sense and can see through this rouse, rifle through her wardrobe to get all her measurements - dress size, bra size, waistline, shoe size, EVERYTHING! (Note: I give this advice because any man who has a rough idea of what his woman's measurements are would've had V-Day on lock three weeks ago).
3. Moving along, I have three words for you: shoes and lingerie. According to studies conducted with a pool of two women, you can never go wrong with these.
4. No matter how much she loves it, don't buy her chocolate. She will get fat and you'll be left miserable and that's not what we want - this magical day should be win-win.
5. Trying to book a restaurant at this point is futile - unless you plan on taking her to Wimpy or Mc Donald's. Let me know how that works out for you...
6. As I was tryin to point out in point 5 above, you will need to eat. Since all the real restaurants have been fully booked out since the 18th of January, I recommend you bring in some help. If you have a friend who is a whizz in the kitchen and is single (i.e. laughing their ass off at you right now) ask them to come whip something up for you. Otherwise, place a take away order at a fancy restaurant and claim it as your own:)
7. Set the mood: light candles, spread roses on the floor, if possible get a table and chair set up in your garden for a moonlit dinner.

Great! Now you're all ready to go, give your lady some flowers and let her know throughout the day and night how much she means to you, and remember: yes, the thought is what counts, but a little money strategically spent never hurt. Have a good one guys and be safe!